Motherhood can be pretty tricky for moms in carving some much needed alone time that has nothing to do with prepping and cleaning from the usual norm. I was in desperate need of some alone time after sharing myself with four busy kiddos, and as being a teacher of active middle school students. I found myself at a lost when I started the engine of my car looking back to see no one was with me in asking myself, ” Ugh, What do I do now? ” I later enjoyed my makeup free, tennis shoes wearing, comfy dress, and carefree mom day out.
Why The Guilt?
I don’t know why we feel so guilty in taking time to replenish our spirits for self-care. I know many “mommy friends” who share with me as I do with them at times the need to be alone just for a second to regroup. Most mothers are natural nurturers, and we tend to give back in so many ways to our loved ones that when we have a moment’s switch up from what we are naturally programmed by God to do we find ourselves at a lost or feeling guilty. The truth is, in order to give in our fullest we have to have time to replenish our mind, body, and spirit to be at our best for those we love in not entering in the martyrdom of resentful bitterness. Yes, many of us can operate from the “overflow”, but even a well needs water to enter in so that it can give out to those in need of thirst.
Not On Call
I have found myself in addition to managing my family’s needs and responsibilities in being totally all accessible at times which too can be exhausting. The balancing act of motherhood with family, work, friends, and other relationships can be equally demanding. I don’t want to be absent or aloof to my loved ones or friends’ needs, but sometimes I feel on call for that as well. There are times where honestly you’re struggling yourself in wanting to give of yourself, but there’s not much to give out. We pride ourselves as women and mothers in being the on call “selfless friend” that will be able to leap mountains in answering every message, call, text, and to respond with the most comforting advice. We feel that we are not at our best unless we place everyone else’s needs or wants before ourselves. In truth, being an attentive friend is admirable, and I try my best to be that. I must admit though that there are also times where I know I need to replenish myself in thought so that I can offer that sincere advice as a friend, be attentive to their needs without treading off in thought because of thoughts of personal distractions, and to miss one another just a bit so there are genuinely things to catch up with than the usual norm. I don’t place the unrealistic expectations for my friends to be on call for my every need or nuance in giving them grace to replenish, and I pray to cultivate friendships that can offer that grace as well.
A Few Treats & Gifts For Mom
I see funny memes on motherhood all time about when mothers are left alone to themselves that we oftentimes use that time to buy and plan things for our families. I usually find myself picking up things for the family, items for my classroom, students, picking up something for a friend, cause, or planning. I decided after taking the time to detail the car to pick up some needed items for myself. The first treat was being able to listen to my own genre of music in the car! I am embarrassed to say that I haven’t bought any bras in a long time, and the few I had were on their last leg. I treated myself by getting myself fitted and picking up some new bras, and undergarments. I usually shop in a rush never trying anything on because I have the kids with me, but I actually took the time to try on shoes before purchasing them. My bras and dress shoes were on their last leg in putting those needs to the side to buy the kids monthly socks! I actually tried on a few pairs of shoes before purchasing a pair. I had the pleasure to eat a nice quiet lunch alone, and I painted my nails. It may seem like simple things to others who have large amounts of time alone and extra to spend on themselves, but these simple treats made one mom feel so special.
Take a guilt free day out when you can mom. You’re still a good wife, mother, or friend. 💋