Friendship, Journeys In Motherhood, Mom Motivation And Empowerment

The Other New Year: My After 30 Vibe


I shared the blessing in celebrating another year on earth recently. There was something totally different I felt in my core about this birthday that was a different sort of vibe than I’ve ever felt in welcoming another year here on earth. I think it was a mixture of emotions that we all have experienced at different times in our lives of gratefulness, anticipation, regret, longing, and determination. No, I didn’t go on a fancy vacation to live it up on a resort, have a diva’s photo shoot, or request any specific gift. I really just took in the year privately with my family with cake and icecream. My two girlfriends who I’ve known most of my life and I spent an intimate fun weekend away connecting as friends. I found myself in each moment reflecting this is the year to take charge in making some serious changes, be realistic, and to seize the moment of what’s starring at me right in the face.
10 Things That Slapped Me In The Face Towards My 5 Years To 40 Celebration!

  1. Be serious about your health, and take steps to really show you are living for more than yourself. I had a big health scare 2 months after starting my job. Oh, did I mention I’ve gain more than a pound or two. I love my curves and swerves, but I come from a family with heart disease and diabetes. I would hate to not be here to share my life with my family or be physically limited to not doing what I enjoy doing because of what I could’ve controlled in being preventable. I workout more and have pulled back in indulgences of things I know I was taken more than my share of in binge eating. Gratitude is an attitude, and I’m grateful for life.
  2. What are you waiting for? I enjoy teaching and working with others. My dream however has always been to be my own boss in doing what I love. Dreaming big and living in fear of failure doesn’t go together. Also, I will be first to admit that my dreams don’t always match my current budget, and the dream doesn’t quite line up with what I balance in juggling mom life. I’ve been honored in the past few years to enjoy being a Performance Art Instructor working in various private capacities, blogging, and share through transparency empowerment as a speaker. I’m a multitasker which is good and bad at times. I can be a procrastinator at times, or easily distracted in being a caregiver. The Gemini in me loves diversity and being able to have dual roles to explore within my personality. I will never allow myself to be put in one box, but I am more aware now that regardless of you’re multifaceted it’s best to narrow the margins with an area of focus. I was happy to secure a more stable career in becoming a Fine Arts teacher for the public school system. I my dream is to own mobile performance art studio one day, yet write about the experience of life on the way.
  3. Be your own advocate. I learned throughout the years that people pleasing is for the birds! It’s draining, defeating, and downright selfish I found out because it effects more than you. People pleasing effects those around you. Life is also a waste if you’re using it to be a doormat or a pushover. The only way to change the dynamics of that is to speak up for yourself. I learned that I can stay friendly, open, and bubbly, but that I have the responsibility to make my boundaries known. I exercise my right to say, ” No” without letting other control me with guilt. Letting go of people pleasing felt like a weight was lifted.
  4. Know your people. Knowing your people is different than just settling for a click. It’s more like acknowledging the settings, people, and environments that are conducive to your spirit, peace, and your growth. I’m more in tune with knowing what personalities, places, and relationships just click with me. It’s like without force they get you, and you get them. You enjoy one another’s company, it’s mutual respect, and equal support. I know when I’m not in my scene because my anxiety is at it’s peek. I found myself growing in recognizing life drainers and toxic relationships removing them or limiting interaction at best.
  5. Move on from rejection. Rejection was something that bothered me because I found myself taking it personal in my younger adult years. Rejection has away of effecting our ego which is the big part of why it hurts. The need for validation and outside approval will never fill your love tank if you don’t love yourself. I’ve learned, accepted, and I don’t put much stock in wanting everyone to “like” me. It feels kind of good to in not needing that stamp of approval. Growing in self awareness built more confidence in taking things as the come and go without questioning my worth.
  6. Take care of the skin your in. Late nights up and about have a toll on your body and your skin. You see it more when you’re older. It’s not about vanity for me, but self-care in taking care of my skin. The late nights swiping my phone ( I’m a night owl) were taking a toll on under my eyes. I remember falling the sleep with makeup on in 20’s if I had a fun night out, but now I’m more careful with how that effects my skin. I am sure to use a daily cleanser, exfoliate weekly, use sunblock, remove any makeup or products. I love a good moisturizer to apply on my skin. One of the biggest that helped my skin glow more was increasing my water intake.
  7. Honor your relationships. Our relationships that we cultivate matter, and we shouldn’t take them for granted. My love language is quality time, so the relationships I have at home with my family I want to matter the most. Being a former “Busybee” my plate use to be super full with my family getting remnants of the quality of energy that was left after giving myself to everyone else that was pulling on me. I time more for one on one with each person in the house. I share collective family experiences together in unapologetically in declining outside hectic commitments, demanding connections, or other things that may infringe on our time. No, you can’t be everyone’s friend I learned because it’s an overwhelming expectation which is exhausting to try. However, the true lasting friendships you have I learned not to take for granted. I find myself more forgiving of an offenses, make time to connect in person if distance isn’t an issue a friend, share in a conversation if it’s a long distance friendship, and I ‘m open to a diversity of backgrounds friends. I tell those who are close to me how much them being apart of my life means to me.
  8. Relish alone time. The ambivert in me loves time alone. It’s not just because I have a house full of little ones. I need time to decompress from one transition to the next from work, social outings, and being on mommy duty. I am at my best when I have me time. When I was younger I felt that in sharing moments I needed to have someone with me to make it great. I love now attending concerts, movies, dining out, and just reflecting alone. I haven’t grown into being a hermit. I enjoy having meaningful friendships, but I don’t need them to define who I am as a person. I just have more of a balance of me time and being around others.
  9. Forgiveness is a two way gift. I would hear the phrase that “Forgiveness isn’t for the person who did the offense, but forgiveness is for you.” I didn’t believe it until I begin to feel the weight of carrying grudges. It literally felt like I was carrying a load on my heart. It’s not worth it, and the person who carries the bulk of the weight of the pain is the one who can’t seem to let go. I’ve learned that forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting, but the determination to live in true peace.
  10. Lastly, I’ve learned to know your worth. I learned that knowing your worth has nothing to do with being arrogant, but does have to with not selling yourself short. I’ve learned after acknowledging and healing from an abusive relationship, overworking myself in dead end jobs, and some former friendships that you have to know your worth. I learned not to cosign on any form of abuse, disrespect, or being used. In the end we can sit and be a victim because of such situations , or we grow from those experiences in thriving never repeating them again.

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