Most of us can agree that there’s a night and day difference between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day on a huge scale in reverence. There’s a subtleness of walking on eggshells of what’s appropriate to say or not to say unlike Mother’s Day to not offend anyone, bring up bad memories, or to give credit to the Dads who we “feel” shouldn’t be given any accolades. I hate that the devoted, dedicated, and dutiful fathers get lost in the shuffle of not having their moment of honor for Father’s Day like Mother’s Day because of the unfair comparisons of the men who aren’t there and bad memories rearing from many like myself who didn’t have a stable relationship with their fathers. There’s also the stepfathers, uncles, and positive male mentors who innocently are kicked to the curve on Father’s Day like their presence didn’t make an impact in families or society that’s unfortunate.
I will always love my Father, and I visit his gravesite very often, but he left during the formative years in my childhood later passing away unexpectedly before my teen years really started. My maternal grandfather didn’t have to take his spot because he was always there as an ever present fixture in my life. My grandfather taught me about money management, how to drive, bought my first car ( Yeah, a classic 1981 Honda Civic), boys, and pushed me to pursue higher education. Uncle Pap, my grandfather’s brother was like having an additional grandfather around everyday sharing wisdom, laughter, and his delicious pit smoked barbecue if I ever wanted a bite to eat. My paternal uncles, the brothers of my father where the uncles that came to save the day years after my father passed to help me relocate after leaving a bad marriage. They helped me move, built my broken self-esteem, and did their best to protect me from anyone else doing anything hurtful like that to me again. I became very close to my ROTC chief commander in high school Chief Lane. Chief Lane stepped in when my grandfather was ill as my male escort for the father and daughter dance for my debutante Cotillion. I witnessed as a homeschooling mom many Dads who never guilted their wives in staying at home to care for their children while they proudly took on the responsibility to be sole provider. I work daily as a teacher seeing my fellow male counterpart educators mentoring young male students, teaching the boys how to tie a tie, coaching, giving guidance to all the students in a silent fatherly like role for all the students, and sometimes giving the students a ride home from school if needed. I could go on about the fatherly influences directly and indirectly that I see have made such a positive impact not only on my life, but these positive male figures made a rewarding impact on society.
The Other Guys
We all know the other guys the ones who are responsible for that slightly uncomfortable feeling that touches a nerve for many of us on Father’s Day. The deadbeats get far to much credit on how we see fathers than they should. The immature men who play spiteful games in co-parenting makes us all cringe as single moms in giving them credit on Father’s Day in knowing their Facebook post of their “precious moments” are a facade against the truth of our family’s reality in doing most, if not all the work. I’ve had mixed feelings about both of my exes, but I will take nothing away in how my children adore them as their fathers in shaming them despite any differences past or present. I wished them both a happy Father’s Day this year for their part in our children’s lives. Although, there maybe someone out there who may not have been afforded the blessing to experience the fatherly male presence like I mentioned above, you don’t have to search like a needle in a haystack to find a good father out there doing his best in caring for his kids. Those men are right there to stay as an ever present male force that our families and society needs despite what anyone may think or say. Happy Father’s Day and everyday to all the fathers and father figures! Thanks for all you do.