You can find so much inspiration nowadays with the glorification of cutting personal ties with others like a drop of a hat as a superficial badge of strength, but you’ll find the uneven spill on how to heal when you’re on the receiving in with dealing with rejection. We have a sense of power when we voluntarily remove others because we have control. However, many us struggle in the healing process when we’re the ones who were involuntary rejected, distanced from, let go, or left because it’s something we can’t control. People will come and go within our lives for various reasons.The key is to move forward with your life without allowing what was lost to define you in releasing what has ultimately released you.
I think the reason it stings us so when people leave our lives is because it attacks our sense of security, comfort, and it’s a bruise on our ego. We may first be in denial regarding the situation in saying, ” This can’t be happening!” We later find ourselves upset about the situation in taking on martyrdom with,” How could they hurt me so bad or spread such lies after all I’ve done for them?” We feel in our hearts and minds that were a good friend, devoted employee, a committed server, loving spouse, or a genuinely nice person. What went wrong? What did you do? Are you who you really say you are, than how could this happen? Rejection hurts. We may find ourselves hopelessly depressed in thinking there will be no life afterwards in asking ,”How will I ever move on?” We read in the bible how Jesus was rejected, his disciples ostracized, and how he was later crucified on the cross from those he was trying to love. God calls us despite the depth of the pain to forgive those who hurt us, to love our enemies, and to live by the same grace in extending it towards others as he gives us as he gave his life for our sins.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrow, and familiar with suffering. Isaiah 53:3
Peaceful Goodbyes & Burning Bridges
Life is a roving door with people coming and going throughout in different seasons. There will be relationships in our lives that end simply because they’ve ran their course in which neither party has any issues other than allowing time, situational changes, personal growth, distance, or the need of fulfillment in maintaining the connection weathered peacefully in ending. It will take time to heal from rejection of that sort, but there is a peace in closure with the possibility of seeing one another again without that sting in our guts. Time can heal old wounds better than words can describe which will strengthen you to accept relationships that expired naturally with peace.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147: 3
There’s also cruel, spiteful, and mean spirited ways people can leave our lives which seems unfair. Not every goodbye in your life will be made in a peaceful transition. Relationships that end display the true character of the person who chose to walk away, and it shows how they really felt about the person they released. If the person was toxic throughout the relationship it may end with them still trying to have control in manipulation through spreading smear campaigns, insinuating false narratives, bringing in ” flying monkeys” to join in their hateful ploy, inflicting emotional blackmail, playing victim, and using passive aggressive attacks in burning bridges just to engage to cause us deeper pain. Relationships like that aren’t healthy to be apart of no matter what the connection. People may choose to deflect the blame on those they leave while secretly fighting their inner demons through the process of projection. Actions like that have nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally. We fight not against flesh and blood as believers. It may hurt now making you feel like you should be on the defense, but remember God fights our battles. Also, it may sting for now in being hurt, but it will in time feel like a relief from having toxic connections like that to leave our lives.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Detuteronomy 31: 6
It takes time to process, heal, forgive, and move forward when people leave our lives. Take full ownership if any of your behaviors contributed to the dissolving of the relationship, and if you need to reach out do so prayerfully in obedience using wisdom to do so. If the ending was bad, but you want to have closure you can write a letter in expressing how you feel to the person. You may want to keep the letter to reflect on down the road, or you may want to burn it after writing it. Make the decision to release any bitterness from your heart from anyone who decided to walk away from you. Remember though that God loves you, and he will never leave you. People may abandon us, but God will never abandon us in leaving our side. God will never allow what left you to be best you ever had despite the depth of the relationship.Who ever left was never ultimately tied to your true destiny if so, they would’ve stayed. Bishop T.D. Jake’s said it best, ” When people can walk away from you let them walk, because your destiny wasn’t tied to anyone who left.” May you move forward with peace .
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This is Part one on my series Transformation Journey .