Release What Releases You : The Art Of Moving On

You can find so much inspiration nowadays with the glorification of cutting personal ties with others like a drop of a hat as a superficial badge of strength.You’ll find the uneven spill on how to heal when you’re on the receiving end of rejection. We have a sense of power when we voluntarily remove others because we have control. However, many of us struggle in the healing process when we’re the ones who were involuntarily rejected, distanced, or left because it’s something we can’t control. People will come and go within our lives for various reasons.The key is to move forward with your life without allowing what was lost to define you. Release what has ultimately released you.

Confronting Rejection

I think the reason it stings us so when people leave our lives is because it attacks our sense of security, comfort, and it’s a bruise on our egos. We may first be in denial regarding the situation in saying, ” This can’t be happening!” We later find ourselves upset about the situation in taking on martyrdom with,” How could they hurt me so bad or spread such lies after all I’ve done for them?” We feel in our hearts and minds that we are a good friend, devoted employee, a committed server, loving spouse, or a genuinely nice person. What went wrong? We begin to question ourselves.

Questions that enter our mind when dealing with rejection:

What did I do?

How are I’m coming across to others in a negative or toxic way?

Am I a bad person?

What’s wrong with me?

Rejection hurts. We may find ourselves hopelessly depressed in thinking there will be no life afterwards in asking ,”How will I ever move on?” We read in the bible how Jesus was rejected, his disciples ostracized, and how he was later crucified on the cross from those he was trying to love. God calls us despite the depth of the pain to forgive those who hurt us, to love our enemies, and to live by the same grace in extending it towards others as he gives us as he gave his life for our sins.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrow, and familiar with suffering. Isaiah 53:3

Peaceful Goodbyes & Burning Bridges

Life is a roving door with people coming and going throughout in different seasons. There will be relationships in our lives that end simply because they’ve run their course in which neither party has any issues other than allowing time, situational changes, personal growth, or distance to end the relationship.There is no mutual desire of either party to maintain the connection. The relationship of friendship weathered peacefully in ending. No love lost. It will take time to heal from rejection of that sort, but there is a peace in closure. There’s the possibility of seeing one another again without that without awkwardness.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147: 3

There’s also cruel, spiteful, and mean spirited ways people can leave our lives which seems unfair. Not every goodbye in your life will be made in a peaceful transition. Relationships that end display the true character of the person who chose to walk away, and it shows how they really felt about the person they released. If the person was toxic throughout the relationship it may end with them still trying to have control through various malicious and manipulation tactics. I’ve experienced rejection before negatively through spreading smear campaigns, insinuations of my character that were not true, and the passive aggressive bully of narcissist abuse with the use of ” flying monkeys” to add a layer of pain that was also disheartening. Relationships like that aren’t healthy to be a part of no matter how they initially were established. Trust God in encountering rejection with toxic individuals in letting them go. Many times rejection is for our protection we later learn. People may choose to deflect the blame on those they leave while secretly fighting their inner demons through the process of projection. Actions like that have nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally. We fight not against flesh and blood as believers. It may hurt now making you feel like you should be on the defense, but remember God fights our battles. Also, it may sting for now in being hurt, but it will in time feel like a relief from having toxic connections like that to leave our lives.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31: 6

It takes time to process, heal, forgive, and move forward when people leave our lives. Take full ownership if any of your behaviors contributed to the dissolving of the relationship. Prayerfully with wisdom reach out in obedience to the other party/ parties if called to do so in not severing bridges. You can write a letter in expressing how you feel to the person about the rejection. Remember though that God loves you, and he will never leave you. People may abandon us, but God will never abandon us in leaving our side. Whomever left was never ultimately tied to your true destiny if so, they would’ve stayed. Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best, ” When people can walk away from you let them walk, because your destiny wasn’t tied to anyone who left.” May you move forward with peace .

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This is Part one on my series Transformation Journey .