I took a step back after the holidays to really look back at my life in reflecting on what all transpired in placing me where I am in this present time. Like everyone else I’ve had some amazing highs, but in truth there were some of the lowest of the lows in repeated cycles for which I knew I had to make a change. It may be weird to some, but cleaning is my therapy. I prefer to clean alone with my favorite inspirational music blasting while I am tackling the dirtiest of the dirtiest in some of the messy antics that my children make here at home. I need all the inspirational music I can when I take on the children’s bathroom! One day in particular while I was cleaning after a season of weird flip flops in growing my business, meeting new people in the whole “networking” scenario, evaluating many relationships in my life, and along with a major family change in our lives I looked in the mirror and suddenly I burst into tears. No, it wasn’t the smell of urine for the twins’ potty seat! I was hit hard by the reality that the person who I saw in the mirror was a complete different person from where I was in the now. It was a not the person I wanted to be. I knew in my heart I had done my best to stay in the comfort of what was my norm of my usual comfort zone, behaviors, and activities although this “Mini” I saw looking back at me in the mirror honestly didn’t fit that. It’s like attempting to put on your favorite cute shoes that you loved at one point in time, but now you see that those old school platforms no longer fit properly or go with nothing that’s in your closet. I saw myself in some situations after relocating back permanently to my hometown in repeated cycles of disappointments, failures, hurt, frustration, and some situation no matter the effort that were stagnated.I asked myself several questions in that moment :
What areas in my life were I ignoring God’s true plan for me in attempting to create my own?
What situations were I not being true in walking in my authenticity?
What were my own toxic and self- sabotaging behaviors?
Where and with whom have I been mistakenly placing my energy ?
Did I truly have my priorities in line?
What interpersonal relationships and friendship were I attracting and maintaining ?
Am I truly walking in God’s purpose in direction for my life in using the gifts and talents that he have blessed me with ?
What is the legacy that I want to leave for my children and future generations to follow?
I wiped my face, and I later went into prayer and refection I knew I had to take ownership. There were three words that entered my spirit remove, rebuild,and restore. This is the path that I am walking in for this season in my life in preparation for the next season God has in store for me.
There will be naturally obvious changes within yourself and your surroundings as you grow in evolving. Oftentimes you won’t have to initiate the changes that will occur when you’re in a transition season. You will see God in his special way putting a ” Under Construction” sign in your life in that season. You will encounter all the noticable changes and detours. There will be somethings that you will have to take ownership for in your behavior, and you will have to release somethings in letting go of.
- There were some bad habits that I had to remove if I was truly growing and evolving for the better. I have now learned the importance of controlling ones tongue even if it’s true you don’t have to say it. I have an understanding now of the difference between being a quitter and knowing when it’s time to let go. Removing bad spending habits will not only benefit you, but your family.Also, it was a hard lesson at time for which many times I later regretted but to trust my intuition the first time, and not to ignore it for the sake of people pleasing habits
- There were some relationships and ties that I had to remove from my life or distant myself from.There is no place for you to truly evolve if you are entertaining toxic personalities,holding on to stagnated relationships that have run their course, or pouring into one sided partnerships period. Everyone will not join you on the ride to the next level in your life’s journey. Some will slash your tires, others will weigh you down, and some a combination of both either way they all will hinder you in moving forward.
- I had many things on my plate being a busy bee that no longer served me in embracing quality time with my family in the way that I truly wanted it to. I felt pressured in being overly committed in some places beyond our family’s availability in having four children including twin toddlers with special needs. A few commitments were more demanding than initial presented or expected. There were some that simply longer served my interests. I learned that it was okay to say ” NO” and not to feel guilty about it or buck under peer pressure in making others happy for serving their needs. Our time, resources, and energy have their limits. We can’t allow anyone to prove or pressure us into believing other.
Personally for me I view rebuilding as enhancing the foundation that for the most part has already been laid. These were the areas for which I planted my focus in enhancing for the better.
- I thought about in which ways could I grow deeper in connection with God that could could enhance my ability in spiritual growth, understanding, and acts of service.
- As a family I wanted to learn the ways we were merely living on the surface in being close for which we can grow better in connecting as husband and wife romantically, sharing memorable moments with our children, and being more active in their lives in training our children for the future.
- I wanted to grow in my friendships and interpersonal relationships in away to be a better friend to those who truly showed that they truly wanted to be a friend and had the potential in sharing a rewarding friendship. I wanted to grow a deeper bond in maintaining the healthy friendships that remained in my life. Lasty, I wanted to give the opportunity to have a fresh start with anyone who I may have counted out in developing a relationship with due to my own bias or hang ups.
Sadly, I allowed some of those negative experiences in my past to change my view of myself, and I developed trust issues. I had to restore with faith, assurance, and in confidence.
- Despite what I’ve been through or was going through God never left my side. I had to restore my faith in trusting God’s will and plan for my life. He saw me through the darkest of hours when there was nobody to confide in understanding what I was dealing with. I couldn’t loose my faith in God because of a bad experience or heartbreak from the past. I had to remain steadfast in trusting him, and remain hopeful in all things working out for the better.
- Although we will experience our share of difficult people it’s important to know that everyone isn’t a bad person, out to get us, or use us. This is something that people who have been badly hurt and have not properly healed have a hard time to realize in having major trust issues. Our assurance is in God and not man with the understanding God can work through his people. I had to be open to receive that blessing in understanding despite whatever bad situation or negative experience .
- I had to restore my confidence within myself that at one time was completely lost. I couldn’t validate myself in the eyes of others. I couldn’t let my past define me or my future. I couldn’t allow anyone’s perception or hang up to be my identity of who I am. It was important to know who’s I am and who I am. I know that I am flaws and all a child of God. I placed that understanding in allowing me to restore my confidence and belief that through Christ I am an overcomer. I know that through Christ I can do all things.