Bittersweet Revelations

Do you, like me, have an aversion to surprises? As a planner by nature, I’ve honed the skill of maintaining my composure during unexpected events, including surprise birthday parties. While I’m appreciative of kind gestures, I must admit that when it comes to important aspects of my life, I prefer to be informed, regardless of whether the news is good or bad. Life’s journey will certainly be punctuated by unexpected twists and turns, not all of which will be celebratory. Through the various seasons of our lives, God will offer insightful revelations that expose realities about ourselves, those around us, and Christ’s expectations for us to understand in these moments as we cultivate a deeper connection with Him. 

After years of navigating life as a single, divorced mother, I remarried. As newlyweds, my husband and I were faced with the daunting task of upholding our vows of “in sickness and in health” and “for better or for worse” when he suffered a hemorrhagic stroke recently within six months of our marriage. The prospect of losing my husband was nothing short of horrific, and sadly the situation laid bare some of my in-laws genuine sentiments toward my children and I in being welcomed and a part of the family. There are several stages that caregivers and their families encounter in navigating through the process of stroke from the beginning stage of hospitalization in ICU, coping through the extended hospitalization process, and later the rehabilitation recovery process. There’s unfortunately been a level of tension with some of my in-laws most of the process since my husband’s medical emergency and within each stage that has followed. The situation seemed to never improve with boundaries consistently disregarded, leaving me feeling powerless as a wife in relation to my husband’s care and privacy. Furthermore, there were instances of intentionally hurtful comments said during dire moments with some directed towards me at inappropriate times when empathy should’ve taken precedence over combativeness. When I attempted to address these issues, I was met with gaslighting, criticism for being overly sensitive, and I discovered that false narratives were being circulated behind my back. If I took a stand, I was later billed the villain, if I got emotional I was ” playing the victim”. Ultimately, I felt isolated, unsupported, and my trust has been completely eroded towards them. Tough times reveal the true character of those around you or those who you thought would be there.

The revelation that those individuals were not who I perceived them to be was a pivotal moment. This experience also made me aware that, although I thought I had healed in the years following my divorce, I still possessed unhealed emotional wounds that could be readily triggered by specific situations and pressures. In the weeks that followed, I found myself perpetually rehashing every detail of those conversations and interactions. The weight of my disappointment led to a period of introspective sulking, during which I neglected to acknowledge the selflessness, support, and generosity of many others. I have come to realize that, by concentrating on those who were not genuinely invested, I failed to demonstrate sufficient appreciation for those whose unwavering commitment to our family has remained steadfast.

Recent experiences have yielded three essential takeaways for me. Firstly, I have learned to acknowledge that my sphere of influence is limited to myself, and that only my reactions and responses are within my control. Secondly, I have come to understand that offering myself grace is an ongoing obligation, requiring consistent introspection to ensure personal growth. Thirdly, I have realized that I must not allow life’s disappointments or the disappointment of others to divert my attention from the daily opportunities of Christ’s affirming love, care, and presence in my life. The truth, is I needed to know how some people really felt about me and their intentions; equally, I needed God to reveal who was sincere in being of good intentions with well meaning support. God sends multiple glimmers throughout the day to show that he’s right by our side; oftentimes those glimmers are shown in the kindness of others. I am beyond grateful for the support and generosity exhibited by so many towards us during this difficult time. My husband’s health has improved, and although the road to recovery remains challenging, the rehabilitation prognosis is encouraging.