Motherhood and Mental Health: Compassion and Wellness

I reflect on my motherhood journey in acknowledging the daily balancing act that mothers face,and its impact on mental health. Onlookers would often comment on my hands being full as I navigated grocery shopping with my infant twins in a carrier and pushed my older two children in the shopping cart. As my children have grown older, I focus on managing the emotional stressors of motherhood by prioritizing my mental health. It’s time we break the stigmas associated with mental health, attempts of perfectionism in our motherhood walk, and embrace compassion for ourselves in the discussion of emotional well-being.

Disclaimer: This article is written to encourage a positive and enlightening conversation for mental health awareness and acceptance please consult a  licensed mental health professional if considering a personal diagnosis.

My Personal Story

Like any new mom, I was nervously excited about the birth of each of my children, but the arrival of my twins brought an added level of complexity.  I was admitted to remain on hospital bed rest for four weeks until their birth, and it followed a four months long rollercoaster NICU stay for them. I’m a mother of an autistic child and  I’m a special needs parent of children with diagnosed exceptionalities which adds a challenging layer at times with parenting. I remember in the thick of my divorce being reached out to care for my then teenage nephew who was going through a difficult time in needing a home. I went from a mother of four to a mother of five overnight. I was a full-time teacher juggling my own family dynamics while going through a divorce during that season. I can transparently admit that those dynamics had me dealing with anxiety and depression for a while. I kept up the front as the strong woman who can multitask in being  productive, I had my supermom cape on, but deep down I was at my breaking point. I wanted to keep my stressors that took a toll on my mental health to myself in protection from being hurt by the spreading of gossip in sharing my personal struggles. I didn’t want it to appear that I wasn’t able to keep things in control, or I was incapable of not being able to hold everything together as a mother.

Deuteronomy 31:8

He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Shhhh…… The Killer Silence of Why Many Moms Don’t Get Help or Keep Silent About Motherhood and Mental Health

Many women and mothers feel the need to not ask for help or recognize their mental health wellness because of the following factors:

• Social Pressure
• Fear and Shame
• Stigmas and Misconceptions
• Religious Principles & Cultural Norms
• Fear of Judgement  & Rejection
• Guilt in Not Wanting to Be a Burden
• Bad  Experience in Sharing Personal Struggles and Experiences Before
• Not Wanting to Appear Incapable as a Mother
• Not wanting to Appear to Be a Nag or Martyr
• Lack of Support from Family & Friends

Compassion & Grace

We can learn as mothers during the difficult times when we feel we’ve reached a mental burnout or when we get the courage to reach out for help with an ongoing internal challenge to let go of shame. We can be of encouragement to another mom if she confides within us without judgement in sharing the transparency of her emotional health as a mom. We can prayerfully be led by Christ to be of assistance to another mom in need of support or a helping hand. We can offer ourselves compassion in our daily efforts in letting go of  perfection or being unrealistic with tackling the daily to-do list. We can cultivate a healthy supportive village even if it’s not family through a small group, mom club, online awareness groups, church, and close friends. I joined a weekly evening support group with other ladies with similar stories that also allowed me to bring my children. The group met once a week, and served dinner which was an added plus for a working single mom. I also made an appointment with my primary physician in speaking about my mental and emotional health in together choosing a treatment plan that worked for me. I found talk therapy and medication worked for my anxiety and depression for a few years. I implemented lifestyle changes of self-care to be better for myself and my children. My growth in healing and prayer life improved my overall mental and emotional health in better understanding how to give myself grace.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Here are a Few More Things You Can Do to Improve Your Mental Health and Walk in Wellness:

• Have Regular Visits with Your Doctor and Express Any Changes With Your Physical and Emotional Health: Follow any advised treatment plan provided by your practitioner.
• Journal : Journaling helps you write out your thoughts and feelings in a safe space. Journaling can enrich your prayer life and walk with Christ in taking a moment to speak to God in with your truest thoughts.
• Take Time for ” Me Time: Try to give yourself at least an hour a day to decompress. Treat yourself to something you enjoy at least once a week or bi-weekly.
• Establish and Cultivate A Support Network or Village:There’s support out there, but a lot of times we don’t know where to look. Look for church groups, online communities, moms groups in your area , PTA/ PTO, advocacy groups, etc)
• Have Healthy & Well Balanced Friendships :The friendships we maintain have a powerful impact on our thoughts, the energy we expel, and sometimes the we view ourselves. Make sure you have rewarding, supportive, and reciprocal friendships in your life.
• Exercise & Eat A Well Balanced Diet: Get 30 mins to 60 mins each day of physical activity. Eat a well balanced diet of vegetables, fruits, lean meats, and proteins. Foods high in sugar and saturated fats are not only bad for your health, but they increase changes in mood with various components that impact your mental health.
• Limit Your To-Do List : Break it down between what’s necessary and dire to what is not. Learn to say ” No” in not overwhelming yourself or your schedule.
• Limit & Use Social Media Mindfully: Set limits of certain social media apps daily to not extend idling on those apps for extended time periods. Choose to follow content on social media that is inspiring, motivational, helpful, and entertaining. If you find yourself following those who project perfectionism and unrealistic expectations or negativity unfollow or block. Remember social media only shows highlighted reels of other people’s lives.
• Do Somethings That You Enjoy or Something New For a Positive Experience: If you have always enjoyed a particular hobby don’t allow motherhood or life to stop you from enjoying that release of endorphins. If you always want to take a class or better yourself do so. We deserve and need an outlet.