I was introduced to The 5 Love Languages by author Dr. Gary Chapman over a decade ago. His concept on love is used to guide us in better establishing relationships with others through understanding how we personally connect in the language of love. The 5 Love Languages can help us grow overall in our relationships with our spouses/ partners, children, and other relationships in applying in effort. I have grown to have more rewarding connections with others since learning the 5 Love Languages with a better understanding of how I best receive love along with expressing it.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
There are 5 Love Languages according to Dr. Gary Chapman in how we best interpret love.
- Quality Time
- Gift Giving
- Physical Touch
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
Knowing Your Love Language
We have one primary love language. There maybe some of us who feel strongly towards two primary love languages. We have a combination of all 5 in how we translate love. If I had to choose one primary love language it would be quality time, but the love language of acts of service isn’t that far behind of sentimental value to me. I would put in the next three order of love languages that resonate with me of words of affirmation, physical touch, and gift giving. I also noticed that how we tend to want to receive love is often how we express love to others subconsciously. I extend love to others in expression of how I care through quality time through intimate one on one time being attentive, and I share equally through gestures of acts of service commonly as well. I treasure moments of quality time with people I hold dear because time is a priceless commodity that we can’t get back. I appreciate the effort giving in an act of service towards me in gesture. My love languages works well for those who equally share in the same way I receive love, but it can be a miss if I share that solely in expression to someone who’s love language is different.
Create A Healthy Balance In Love Languages
I will say that with all good things such as learning the 5 Love Languages there are the extremes of each form that we shouldn’t expect other’s to fulfill in our lives, and we shouldn’t allow others to use toxic extremities of the 5 Love Languages for selfish needs in requests as a mask of love. My primary love language is quality time, yet I don’t expect to use my love language of quality time to dominate those I love schedules to devote mostly to me in being at my beck and call. I wouldn’t allow someone to abuse the love language of quality time in entitlement to consume all of my personal time. Would you allow you bank account to plummet in buying expensive gifts for a spouse / partner because their love language is gift giving? I wouldn’t neglect bills to buy my son some over the top expensive shoes because his love language is gift giving. It wouldn’t be healthy to have a friend constantly peck at another friend in need of constant validation because their love language is words of affirmation. It wouldn’t be fair for a spouse to use words of affirmation in determining self -worth in not addressing underlying issues of low self-esteem. No one should misuse their love language of physical touch to inflict harm towards others through sexual abuse in misconduct. It wouldn’t be an act of service in love if we took advantage of a dear friend’s kindness in effort through manipulation. I learned that even with the 5 Love Languages there are still boundaries to set in cultivating healthy rewarding relationships with others.
I’ve read the 5 Languages for couples, children, and now for singles. My children each have their own love language. I have two children whose love language is quality time. Those are my children who cherish one on one time in outings, heartfelt conversations, family activities, and doing activities together with me without a tag along sibling. I have one daughter whose love language is gift giving. She doesn’t ask for fancy gifts, but she holds dear thoughtful gifts that are catered to her interests. I have a daughter who loves hugs, holding hands, and sitting as close as she can to cuddle whose love language is physical touch. My closest friends and I share quality time in making sure that although we have busy schedules we connect with each other to catch up, we make time to meet up, and we show up for each other’s special occasions when we can. I found that romantically through trial and error it was crucial for a spouse or partner to diligently understand how to apply some form of the 5 Love Languages in having happiness in successful couple goals, or the onset of the relationship going into danger zone emerged. I tap into my own love language by making sure I provide myself with quality alone time to do the things I enjoy peacefully.
Don’t Make It Complicated
The 5 Love Languages actually helped me simplify my view on love instead of making it more complicated. I don’t walk around with a self assessment to everyone I meet to test how they feel about love. I more or less use my knowledge of the 5 Love Languages for family, close friends, and interpersonal relationships in close proximity in knowing them personally. I have a co-worker that I am in tune with to know receives words of affirmation positively. I have a close neighbor who loves thoughtful gifts, so I made her a wreath for the holiday. It’s truly the little things that count in making the world of difference in applying the 5 Love Languages in understanding love.
What’s your Love Language? Share in the comments. Join me this week for my latest podcast on the topic. ❤️