We’ve all been there as moms where we desperately needed to share some mommy woes in getting a few things off our chest. There are times were we as moms need to vent. There are other times we need a shoulder to cry on as mothers. There are times we need assurance in the midst of daily motherhood confusion. Mom talks with a dear friend who joins you in the trenches of mom life can be refueling. Mom talks in disclosures along with being reciprocal as the listening ear as a friend are to be held beloved with compassion, protection, and wisdom.
Unfiltered & Bothered
The truth about motherhood along with our various dynamics within our personal lives with our families is that it can get raw at times with what’s happening behind the scenes. We balance as moms marriage, our children’s quirks, co-parenting for those like myself who are single moms, and some of us are caregivers to family members with disabilities. It’s trial and error in knowing which friend we can allow to go beneath the surface of our smiling social media posts of our day to day mom lives. I learned that every connection doesn’t equate friendship in sharing the unfiltered you. Motherhood is full of unsolicited commentary, judgments, critiques, and comparisons for some reason by fellow mom friends. I found personally that I’ve had very few confidants that could handle the vulnerabilities of my life in it’s real moments as a mom, but the moms who have sincere empathy were to treasure as gold. I don’t agree to emotionally dumping on a friend with all my troubles, but I also don’t agree to subjecting a friend to only share with happy times for conveniences purposes. I agree that a true friendship should be able to handle each party having boundaries, however a friendship will grow awkward with later fading in time if one friend has to be scripted to accommodate her friend in conversation.There will be friends who will be uncomfortable about some of the things you share in your mom talks, and there will be mom friends who can’t handle the unedited version of you. In fact, there are more or less friends who don’t want to hear your every vent, groan, and grip. There are however friends who don’t mind listening attentively. My mom would say in her southern voice, ” You can’t tell everybody everything.”
Compassion Take Away
- Be honest with your conversation dialogue as friends to ensure you’re not always venting, complaining, gossiping, or emotional dumping. The best of friends have their limits, and unless they’re a professional therapist they can only handle so much of our woes themselves.
- We have every right to protect our energy with setting boundaries with others, but our dialogue with friends can’t be treated in convenience in temperament, interest, or always controlled in flow.
Just Between Us Girls!
You’ve just heard some juicy information from your friend who looks like she has it all together to those around you. Do you tell a mutual friend the skeletons that were revealed to you about little Ms. Perfect Patty? Your husband is your best friend, and you pride yourself in having no secrets between the two of you together.Would you tell you husband all the personal details about the ongoing lives of all your close friends, and would you be bold enough to tell your friends your husband’s thoughts on their personal situation? Wrong! Confidentiality is very important among friendship as a whole, but it’s extra significant among mom talks. Integrity of our intentions in listening to a friend going through a rough patch, seeking advice, and who trusts us with details of their personal lives shouldn’t be taking for granted for a temporary high of blabbermouth indiscretion. I said it! It’s says a lot in how a friend feels about you with trust in coming to you with a dilemma. There are somethings that are just between us girls, and if you feel the need to not protect the conversation along with the friendship then maybe the two of you aren’t really girls at all.
Protection Take Away
- Can the friend I’m sharing with keep my disclosures confidential in learning her conversation track record among others?
- How would I feel if I learned that someone shared something personal that I shared in confidence among their spouse, mutual friends, and family?
It’s comforting to hear advice from a friend we know cares about our mom concerns in conversation. It’s even better to me to have a friend I can trust that will give me sound godly advice. It’s equally an honor for a dear mom friend to reach out in expression of transparency to me with their disclosures in seeking advice. Friendship is a give and take in every way when it comes down to mommy talks. It’s probably best to not establish a co-dependency in friendship in bombarding a friend as if she’s a Google source for all our questions. We have to make sure that if we offer advice to a girlfriend that it was first solicited without intruding. Take the time to get to really know a friend in learning them in personality, character, and knowledge on subject matters of inquiry in seeking wise counsel.
Wise Counsel Take Away
- Can this friend provide me with wise godly counsel for my situation ?
- Is my friend asking for my advice for her situation or does she just need a listening ear?
I’ve had some mom talks that have lifted my spirits in bringing me comforting assurance that I will forever treasure with friends. I’ve had some friendships change in direction due to some very inconsiderate words that made me feel like in speaking to them it was like walking on eggshells due to how they reacted in sharing simple mom grievances. I know how it feels to be an emotional dumping bag to a friend who chooses to stay in her dark place bringing in anyone she cans to help live her pain. There were friends who unconsciously shared what I thought was confidential between the two of us give me unsolicited feedback from a third party about my situation who wasn’t in the conversation to begin with! I know the gratitude of having friends who are wise in counsel who will never give me any advice that wasn’t honest in leading me the wrong direction. Mom talks are needed for all of us in being a safe place for moms to find support, but we are the be purposeful in our mom talks among friends.