Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That! : Motherhood Approaching 40 or Older

I can’t believe it! I’m only three years to forty. It’s amazing how much life can flip in almost a decade in how our lives change drastically, our mindset matures, and what mattered so much in our early adulthood has became void in focusing on. I shared a moment with one of my closest friends since college with us both having rare down time for some girl talk from our kids as moms. She complimented me on how much I’ve grown in ways since back in the day from sharing insight on a conversation; she compared the growth from when we both were young, immature, intensely emotional, and fighting deep inside our insecurities. I refect each year both in my womanhood and motherhood lessons learned from triumph and heartbreak. The beauty of each component that makes me who I am in making each moment count letting go things I no longer have time for in wasting precious energy that can prevent me from growing as both a woman and mother.

There was much excitement that was in the air and buzz about 2020. My social media accounts showed many people posting what they accomplished in ten years, the ten year challenge on how they evolved in appearance, and the changes within their families. Speaking of changes. I didn’t post my own at the time because I honestly was still in shock on what my life was going through in that moment in having so many changes. I managed in a ten years’ timeline somehow to divorce, remarry, have a baby, start career, have twins, end career, start career again, and divorce again. Wow, wait a minute! Is there a pattern? Ha, well four kids total later, three years in as an educator, and being genuinely happy I have learned somethings okay. The good and everything in between gave me no other choice but to put my big girl heels on in living my life to the fullest.

A few things I chalked up to deuces in not having time for in living my best life.

1. Nobody has time for being unhappy: I don’t care what it is, where it is, or who it is nobody got time to accept or remain in anything that’s unhealthy or toxic.
2. Nobody has time to wallow in self-defeat: Life can be unpredictable. Despite our sincere intentions, efforts, and beliefs things may not work out and we fail. It’s more important to dust yourself off, hold your head high, never give up, and learn from your mistakes. Remember your kids are watching you to lead by example. You got this mom!
3. Nobody has time to procrastinate: Take initiative in doing the things that you want to do in not sitting on your ideas. It’s important for us to grow the vision we have for ourselves and our families.
4. Nobody has time to be a stick in the mud: I love to laugh. I love to be around people that make me laugh and smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I love watching my eldest daughter in a happy moment laughing so hard that she snorts making me giggle from observation. Life is also meant to be enjoyed. I love trying new recipes with my kiddos to cook at home, I enjoy exploring new nature trails with my kids, and we all cut a rug on the dance floor at functions unapologetically when the d.j. is right. Heck, sometimes I bring my own music with my large bluetooth in being the d.j. myself to get the party going from weird awkward tension.
5. Nobody has time to waste energy in entertaining and maintaining connections with individuals who are life drainers: Good Vibes isn’t a cute quote, it’s a life style to embrace in sharing your life with others and making sure you’re sharing that with them. Gone are the days for me to waste the short time I have left at the end of the day from juggling motherhood, work, and balancing single parenting with people who aren’t good for me.I recognize gossipers, whiners, controlling bullies, messy folk, competitive, combative, and needy codependent individuals not allowing them to be a drain or a distraction in my life. It’s important for us to share life with people who bring positive energy.
6. Nobody has time to be at peace: The biggest breakthrough I’ve learned is releasing pent up resentment, anger, and hostility. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself not just for the other person. I learned that we can’t change other people, but we have the power to change ourselves. Life has harmony with peace. Accept the apology that was never given. Settle trivial grievances with friends, co-workers, church members, and neighbors in love. Co-parent in peace not for yourself, but for your kids. If you’re married don’t rest your head in going to sleep if there is an unsettled tension until you’re both at peace with one another.
7. Nobody has time for nonsense: I really suffered in being a people pleaser and occasionally I have to work on not having a relapse in recognizing that toxic trait within myself, but thankfully I am far what I use to be in speaking up for myself. The older I get I find myself less tolerant of nonsense in advocating for myself, advocating for my children, and I’m not afraid to call out in still being a Christian bull crap if need be. I hated conflict avoiding it at all cost, but I understand now that conflict is all about of the growth process to not fear in handling strategic with maturity.
8. Nobody has time not to have joy: Be happy, seriously be happy! If you’re far from that do whatever steps needed in addressing and following through to get happy. Happiness is an inside job that we can’t place on nobody but ourselves. It may mean breaking some addictive habits, going to therapy, scheduling self-care, leaving a bad job, starting a job, making friends, leaving friends, moving, eating a bar of chocolate, and etc. Embracing joy is something to dedicate time for. Make time to be happy.

Happy birthday Minimarie!