Biz Markie coined the famous 1989 hip hop classic “Just A Friend”, about young love in connection of uncertainty of it’s realness. True friendships are based on honesty, trust, openness,ownership, forgiveness, loyalty, and love. Have you had a few “friends” on your mind that through discernment of your intuition you feel a burning uncertainty that they aren’t truly in your corner? Our friendships are to be authentic from all parties involved flaws and all. There’s nothing worse than carrying on the facade of a friendship to realize that you really were not friends at all. You say she’s a “friend”, but have her behaviors towards you has shown otherwise. Here are a few unsavory behaviors that may suggest who you thought was a friend may have not actually been a friend at all.
- She constantly says shady, condescending, and belittling remarks to you. Is she boldly saying those sharp japs in front of others as well? Our friends are to be truthful to us, and it’s okay to be open to constructive criticism.Friends however don’t put one another down, and they won’t boldly disrespectful you in front of others.
- She can never celebrate with you in times of success or achievements . Does your friend bring questions to you of your worthiness when you share with them the blessing of an opportunity that came your way? Does your friend become distant after seeing you prosper? Does your friend act like whatever you’re doing good or excelling in at the time doesn’t exist? She makes no mention of your achievements or growth as if saying “Congrats”,or any form of well wishing as if it’s just to much to say. Friends are able to celebrate each others life’s milestones, successes, achievements, and life’s chapters wholeheartedly.
- She treats you as a friend when it’s of convenience for her. She only acknowledges her relationship towards you when it’s of benefit to her in some way of form. She acts like you all are not close, or she tells others that you’re an acquaintance until she wants something. She gets really close to you in her wanting for a particular service or deed, but she later distances herself after she gets what she wants.
- There is constant tension when the two of you are together. Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? Are there constant fights and bickering ? Please walk away if you see that any relationship is fueled with anger, rants, and is just plain toxic.
- She constantly lies, and she’s has proven that she is untrustworthy ? Friendships are established and maintained in truth .
- She’s manipulating and controlling. Does your friend have a habit of manipulating to gets what she wants, but she also manipulates others to be actors in her play of life for her personal advantage ? Does your friend constantly tries to dominate you or others in every situation ? Please leave if your friend has these behaviors because it’s a very unhealthy cycle.
- She constantly brings up your pass disagreements , and she acts like she is holding something over your head. Friendship is a growing process. We all will make mistakes and may unintentionally offend one another. Friends forgive one another, and they learn how to grow from their past grievous with one another.
- She gossips about you to others. Is there a big shift in the relationships with your other friends when you bring your ” friend” in the mist of the circle or any given setting ? There should be an enhancement when we bring a friend in a our settings with others not a growth of dissension .
- She’s needy and draining. Being needy comes in various forms. We are to be there for our friends in times of need. We are to be of services to aid one another if a friend reaches out for help. However, use discernment and wisdom in your giving of your time, money, and other resources to be sure that your “friend” isn’t taking advantage of your kind heart.
- She’s very unapologetically inconsiderate. She cancels last minute without reason maybe even 45 mins on the day of. She goes way beyond fashionable late, and she shows up about 2 hours late. In disagreements she never takes ownership for her part of the disagreement. She plays the manipulation guilt trip, detaches herself knowingly, and she becomes defensive.
- Your “friend” is a bad influence on you in introducing you or pressuring you to go against your beliefs, values, ethics, or they put you in situations that are physically dangerous for the both of you.
- What happens there never stays there. There’s never a settling feeling following a deep heart felt conversation or any conversation for that matter with your friend.
- Your friendship has become empty and stale.Your friendship lacks efforts. It could be a one sided friendship or the both of that lack the necessary effort and interest in maintaining the friendship . You don’t share common interests, or you lack the motivation to give it a go to connect beyond the surface. You aren’t able to be truly authentic with one another. Do you dred getting together? Does a lunch date feel like a much needed girlfriend break or a chore? Friendship in the long term since will have its moments of high activity, and friendships will have moments of calm due to life changes. If life’s changes and lack of intentionally putting in effort seems to be the only thing continuously that the two of you share move on. A friendship is not one sided it’s a give and take from all parties .
All hope is not lost if your “friend” has any of the characteristics above. If you really care about the person and you want the friendship to work reach out to your friend. sit down with one another, and tell your friend what’s on your heart. All hope isn’t lost.There may be some areas that your friend has to work on. You may have to work on a few areas yourself in being a better friend. Pray and reflect on your friendship in the direction you want it go. However, if your friend decides to keep those toxic behaviors, and they decide to not change you should move on .
Proverbs 27: 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.